Brian Dennehy knows his stuff.

In my family, we often joke about Brian Dennehy. Just the mention of his name in our household gets us all going pretty good. Why Dennehy? Well, besides being a respected actor with over 25 years experience on stage and screen (thanks IMDB) he is also someone that my mom once let slip that she found attractive. I am sure that she regrets the day that she ever shared this tidbit with us while watching Tommy Boy. Aaron and I have never let her live it down.

Shortly after she made the statement her opinion changed drastically.  The about face happened when a commercial was released for a popular heartburn medication. The commercial opens with Dennehy lurking in a dark suburban neighborhood, practically hiding in the house's landscaping.  He motions toward a light in the bathroom and says, "She woke up with heartburn." It is just about the creepiest 30 second spot that you can get. Um... hello, stalker!

So what does Brian Dennehy have to do with anything? Well, I have been thinking a lot about him lately. Sometimes I check the window to see if he is maybe watching our house. I wonder if Dennehy is to heartburn what the tooth fairy is to gap toothed children.

There are many things in life that I am happy to know nothing about. If I can go through life never knowing what a migraine, a slipped disc, or an ulcer feels like, that is just fine by me. Also on the list of things I never wanted to experience, heartburn. Even when I watched the creepy Dennehy commercial I never truly understood what was happening to keep that poor lady up at night.  I asked people that I knew, "Do you know what heartburn is?  How will I know if I have it?"I was blissfully ignorant.

About 8 weeks ago at my doctor's appointment I told Dr. Maffett that I thought I was experiencing heartburn.  I was burping and it was a little pukey and I was having very, very mild sensations in my chest and esophagus.   She thought it definitely sounded like heartburn.  She gave me a list of things that could help and told me that it was perfectly fine to start taking an otc med to control it.  I did just that and all the symptoms dissolved and I was a happy camper. Yay! Take that Dennehy! I had beat heartburn.

And then, it happened. The real heartburn showed up. Not the wimpy discomfort that I had briefly felt and complained about. Oh no.  That was just the warm up to the full fledged symphony of terror that is now happening daily and nightly. I think that in my search for an explanation of what exactly heartburn feels like I somehow neglected to just look at the actual term. Seriously, my heart feels like it is on fire.  My throat is on fire. The burning comes without notice or apology. Water gives me heartburn. Not drinking water gives me heartburn.  Milk causes heartburn. Food gives me heartburn.  Being hungry gives me heartburn. Just typing this post has angered the heartburn.

So THIS is what keeps people up at night. THIS is why Brian Dennehy lurks. THIS is why I am calling my doctor and telling her that although I had told her, "No way, I won't need a prescription for the heartburn, I am a champ", I am now going to say "I was wrong".