Friday, March 26, 2010

Brian Dennehy knows his stuff.

In my family, we often joke about Brian Dennehy. Just the mention of his name in our household gets us all going pretty good. Why Dennehy? Well, besides being a respected actor with over 25 years experience on stage and screen (thanks IMDB) he is also someone that my mom once let slip that she found attractive. I am sure that she regrets the day that she ever shared this tidbit with us while watching Tommy Boy. Aaron and I have never let her live it down.

Shortly after she made the statement her opinion changed drastically.  The about face happened when a commercial was released for a popular heartburn medication. The commercial opens with Dennehy lurking in a dark suburban neighborhood, practically hiding in the house's landscaping.  He motions toward a light in the bathroom and says, "She woke up with heartburn." It is just about the creepiest 30 second spot that you can get. Um... hello, stalker!

So what does Brian Dennehy have to do with anything? Well, I have been thinking a lot about him lately. Sometimes I check the window to see if he is maybe watching our house. I wonder if Dennehy is to heartburn what the tooth fairy is to gap toothed children.

There are many things in life that I am happy to know nothing about. If I can go through life never knowing what a migraine, a slipped disc, or an ulcer feels like, that is just fine by me. Also on the list of things I never wanted to experience, heartburn. Even when I watched the creepy Dennehy commercial I never truly understood what was happening to keep that poor lady up at night.  I asked people that I knew, "Do you know what heartburn is?  How will I know if I have it?"I was blissfully ignorant.

About 8 weeks ago at my doctor's appointment I told Dr. Maffett that I thought I was experiencing heartburn.  I was burping and it was a little pukey and I was having very, very mild sensations in my chest and esophagus.   She thought it definitely sounded like heartburn.  She gave me a list of things that could help and told me that it was perfectly fine to start taking an otc med to control it.  I did just that and all the symptoms dissolved and I was a happy camper. Yay! Take that Dennehy! I had beat heartburn.

And then, it happened. The real heartburn showed up. Not the wimpy discomfort that I had briefly felt and complained about. Oh no.  That was just the warm up to the full fledged symphony of terror that is now happening daily and nightly. I think that in my search for an explanation of what exactly heartburn feels like I somehow neglected to just look at the actual term. Seriously, my heart feels like it is on fire.  My throat is on fire. The burning comes without notice or apology. Water gives me heartburn. Not drinking water gives me heartburn.  Milk causes heartburn. Food gives me heartburn.  Being hungry gives me heartburn. Just typing this post has angered the heartburn.

So THIS is what keeps people up at night. THIS is why Brian Dennehy lurks. THIS is why I am calling my doctor and telling her that although I had told her, "No way, I won't need a prescription for the heartburn, I am a champ", I am now going to say "I was wrong".

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The Bump

We are so close to 30 weeks that I can practically taste it.  And, I think that I practically look it as well.  The bump is still growing every day.  It surprises me some days when I will look in the mirror in the morning and then later that evening and see a totally different profile.
I am still able to wedge myself into my pre-pregnancy jeans.  Of course this is purely for photographic evidence that it is still possible--- I would have to be some sort of sadist to wear these all day.  Truth be told, I like wearing the same pants in each picture and all my prego jeans have waistbands that go as high as my bra.  So far *knock on wood everyone* we are stretch mark free, I still have a belly button that is concave and I still have some portion of my body that one might consider as passing for a waistline.  

While I am at 29 and a half weeks, Little T is on a totally different schedule.  When we went for our 3d ultrasound we learned that Little T's body is measuring about 2 and a half weeks ahead with a current weight of 3lbs and 8ozs.  Now, this is not an exact science for them to determine weight, but the head measurement is pretty darn accurate and shows a nice round head that is about the size that would be expected at 32 weeks.  Gulp.  That head is coming out of where?!?

For your viewing enjoyment, here is a picture of the bump how you would normally see it.  In other words, with a shirt on.
And finally, because I am a sucker for side by sides, here I am in one of my favorite shirts.  

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Yessir, that's my baby (proud papa)

Hey... ya you... wanna see something cool?

Didn't I tell you the kid was going to play soccer? However, don't think that Little T is just going to be a dumb jock...
This kid is a thinker. Probably working on some far out theory. Perhaps, (s)he is rehearsing the latest monologue. Shakespeare has nothing on Little T. Maybe...
Maybe dad should relax. Maybe you will enjoy one more photo of Little T?
Thanks for stoppin' by,
Big T

Friday, March 12, 2010

We Registered.

Dear reader,

If you are looking for a helpful blog post on registering, look elsewhere.

When we moseyed on into Babies "R" Us on a Monday night we figured that registering would take us a mere minutes.  We had thoughtfully avoided the weekend crowd and had a pretty good sense of what will make life for Little T easier.  Now, some people have been shocked that we waited until after the start of the third trimester to make our way into the store, but we thought it would give us time to be educated on all things baby.  Ha.  That is funny.

Quickly after arriving we realized that the seven people already waiting at the registry counter were going to hinder any chance of us being in and out.  We wasted a bit of time over by the strollers just to give them time to finish up, but we didn't want some sneaky barely pregnant couple to weasel in line in front of us, so we were definitely in hover mode.

At the counter there was a late teen woman who looked like she was about to pop. Her skull and cross bone t-shirt, complete with roses of course, was so tightly pulled across her expanded belly that I thought the seams were in danger of busting.  She was there with her toddler, who was loaded into the basket portion of a shopping cart, and her sister (or mother, who knows).  I am pretty sure that at this point she was only registering so that she could get the 10% completion coupon.

Then there was a very pleasant (read normal) looking couple in their late 30s.  They were what I would call register-a-holics.  They had already been to the store multiple times and had met with the registry consultant to perfect their list just to make sure that they hadn't missed one pacifier, one wipe, or one over priced bottle sanitizer koozie. While I am sure that they are very nice, I am also sure that there future child will never be allowed to play in the dirt, rough house with a dog or riffle through an unorganized toy box.

The next couple was in their early 20s.  I decided right off the bat that I didn't like them.  The momma-to-be was wearing skinny jeans tucked into knee high stormy grey colored leather boots with a 4 inch heel.  She had on a black and white print top (so cute) and a striking yellow blazer.  Her shoulder bag was a black and white that coordinated without clashing with her shirt.  Her tiny bump was protruding, although I couldn't tell if she was pregnant or if her stomach was just distended from starvation. The papa-to-be looked like he had just stepped out of a Banana Republic ad.  They didn't speak much.  So why didn't I like them?  It's simple, I was jealous.  This couple had also made a plan to go to Babies R Us on a Monday night, and this is how they happened to look.  Me on the other hand?  I was lucky to have brushed my hair before I left the house.  I was wearing my Old Navy Maternity jeans that already have a hole in them, a white tank top with a black bra, and a long cardigan that I bought at JCPenney for $2.97.  I often look at women that I consider to be well dressed or "pulled together" and I am filled with jealousy.  I want to look cute like that.  I want to be the one that is on the edge of the trends.  But, then I remember that I am the woman that would rather spend $200 at a craft store than $200 at a clothing store.  What can I say, I'd rather spend money on things that I can make and sell for more money.  I'm not cheap, I just have different priorities.

Finally, it was our turn to take a go with the overworked employee assigned to the registry desk.  She was a petite framed woman in her mid sixties.  She had wire framed glasses and her hair was pulled back into a bun.  On either side of her face she had a spiral curl of hair that was loose.  You would feel comfortable calling her Nana.  We slipped into the chairs and told her that her "next victims were ready".  She giggled so hard I think it may have been the first time anyone had ever joked with her.  After all, apparently registering is serious business.

After filling out our paperwork we were taken through the 28 page spiral bound booklet that outlines the Babies "R" Us policies, program, offerings, etc.  Seriously, 28 pages.  The book that our OBGYN gave us to prepare for the pregnancy was only 24 pages.  Babies "R" Us is apparently 4 page more complex than growing and birthing a baby.  Maybe the "R" stands for "Really wordy explanations of really simple concepts".

Once the book reviewing session was complete, we were told all about the various additional services that the store has.  These services included a Registry Consultant that you can book appointments with.  She will walk around the store and explain every product to you and make recommendations to make sure that your registry doesn't have any holes.  I pretty much stopped listening at this point because I started thinking how cool this job would be to have.  I seriously think that my mom, or any of her friends with grandchildren, would certainly excel in a position like this.  What else really would qualify someone for a position of this caliber?  It is very hard work telling young expectant parents what to do and what to buy, and no one does it better than Grandmas.  And with a title like Registry Consultant, we might actually listen.

Finally, we were handed the scanner gun and sent loose on the store.

Until you actually walk the aisles of this store, you don't really realize how many goofy/uneccesary items there are.  Of course, there are the very valuable and needed things like cribs and sheets, but when you venture off course you find things like a $79 baby food maker.  At first glance, this looks like a must have.  The box says that it will make it a breeze to make your own baby food at home.  It is healthy!  It is all natural!  What a steal at $79!  That is until your baby coma induced brain realizes that it is simply a food processor.  A REALLY small food processor.  A REALLY overpriced food processor.  But, it is green and has a picture of a cute baby on it!  Do people really fall for this?

Maybe I will change my tune when this baby comes, and maybe I will fall in love with some of these products.  But for now, anyone will have a hard time convincing me that it is necessary to use a warm wipe on my baby's butt.  When I used to baby sit I warmed up the wipe by holding it in my hand for a few seconds.  Pretty high tech, eh?  And you know what, not once did one of those babies complain.  In fact, wouldn't a cool wipe be a little refreshing?  Its not like you are sticking an ice cube down the baby's diaper.

My finally diatribe on the makers of baby products is this, why so many single use items?  Alton Brown, the Food Network resident geek/guru has a strict kitchen policy that he avoids any single use tools.  This concept has totally alluded anyone making baby products.  I get that they are in it for a buck and if they can sell you twenty items instead of 7 they are raking it in.  But, think of our swollen closets and drawers filled with random baby things that we might never need.  You have a separate machine to warm bottles, then another one to sanitize them, because who doesn't want TWO different machines sitting on their counter.  I did do an internet search and found a couple of makers who do have products that are dual functioned, but I had to literally search for it.

All in all, registering wasn't nearly as difficult as I thought it would be.  We only started the list as some of our bigger items are still under serious consideration.  It feels good to have it out of the way, and at least it made for an interesting night.  Even if I left the store more confused than when I arrived.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

The Bump

We are officially in the double digits now, gang!  Grow, Little T, Grow!  I think at this point it is safe to say that I have actually, genuinely, honestly popped my bump.  I have FINALLY had a stranger notice that I was pregnant.

The first stranger ID came at a most unlikely place.  I was scheduled to speak at a meeting in Las Vegas and attempting to get into the appropriate conference room at the MGM.  The door man/pseudo security ape had been told to not let any yellow badges into the room.  As I was being denied, I tried to reason with him that my coworker, who I was to meet in the room, and I were most definitely supposed to be there.  He apologized and explained that he had strict orders, but that he felt especially bad turning me away in my "condition".  While I think I would generally have had some sort of sharp retort on what exactly my "condition" had to do with anything, I was so excited that I had a positive ID as a pregnant woman that I could only smile.  Finally someone recognizes that I am carrying a child in this belly!  I did manage to sneak in "So, what you are telling me is that there is no room in the Inn?"

So, without further ado, except for maybe a dramatic drumroll if you please... The New and Improved BUMP!
Look at all of that Bumpy glory.  I am pleased to say that many others have now noticed all of my pregnant-ness great-ness as well. I have had a couple clients congratulate me and ask when I am due.  In general they are shocked when I say June, apparently although I have popped, I have a lot of catching up to do in the next 13 weeks.

Continuing in my tradition of demonstrating ways to manipulate the bump--- enter the ever forgiving black clothing trick. Something about black really makes me feel like a somewhat svelt person rather than the current zaftig person that I generally see in the mirror nowadays.  When I slip into a black top and black pants I can stare at myself head on in a mirror and see a pre-pregnancy Lauren complete with a waistline!  Exhibit A:
But, as soon as I turn to the side,  BAM! Exhibit B:
Bumps aside, I am more than happy to have a little free time coming up.  Between Vegas, Brain Game Championships and a bachelorette party, I was POOPED!