We Registered.

Dear reader,

If you are looking for a helpful blog post on registering, look elsewhere.

When we moseyed on into Babies "R" Us on a Monday night we figured that registering would take us a mere minutes.  We had thoughtfully avoided the weekend crowd and had a pretty good sense of what will make life for Little T easier.  Now, some people have been shocked that we waited until after the start of the third trimester to make our way into the store, but we thought it would give us time to be educated on all things baby.  Ha.  That is funny.

Quickly after arriving we realized that the seven people already waiting at the registry counter were going to hinder any chance of us being in and out.  We wasted a bit of time over by the strollers just to give them time to finish up, but we didn't want some sneaky barely pregnant couple to weasel in line in front of us, so we were definitely in hover mode.

At the counter there was a late teen woman who looked like she was about to pop. Her skull and cross bone t-shirt, complete with roses of course, was so tightly pulled across her expanded belly that I thought the seams were in danger of busting.  She was there with her toddler, who was loaded into the basket portion of a shopping cart, and her sister (or mother, who knows).  I am pretty sure that at this point she was only registering so that she could get the 10% completion coupon.

Then there was a very pleasant (read normal) looking couple in their late 30s.  They were what I would call register-a-holics.  They had already been to the store multiple times and had met with the registry consultant to perfect their list just to make sure that they hadn't missed one pacifier, one wipe, or one over priced bottle sanitizer koozie. While I am sure that they are very nice, I am also sure that there future child will never be allowed to play in the dirt, rough house with a dog or riffle through an unorganized toy box.

The next couple was in their early 20s.  I decided right off the bat that I didn't like them.  The momma-to-be was wearing skinny jeans tucked into knee high stormy grey colored leather boots with a 4 inch heel.  She had on a black and white print top (so cute) and a striking yellow blazer.  Her shoulder bag was a black and white that coordinated without clashing with her shirt.  Her tiny bump was protruding, although I couldn't tell if she was pregnant or if her stomach was just distended from starvation. The papa-to-be looked like he had just stepped out of a Banana Republic ad.  They didn't speak much.  So why didn't I like them?  It's simple, I was jealous.  This couple had also made a plan to go to Babies R Us on a Monday night, and this is how they happened to look.  Me on the other hand?  I was lucky to have brushed my hair before I left the house.  I was wearing my Old Navy Maternity jeans that already have a hole in them, a white tank top with a black bra, and a long cardigan that I bought at JCPenney for $2.97.  I often look at women that I consider to be well dressed or "pulled together" and I am filled with jealousy.  I want to look cute like that.  I want to be the one that is on the edge of the trends.  But, then I remember that I am the woman that would rather spend $200 at a craft store than $200 at a clothing store.  What can I say, I'd rather spend money on things that I can make and sell for more money.  I'm not cheap, I just have different priorities.

Finally, it was our turn to take a go with the overworked employee assigned to the registry desk.  She was a petite framed woman in her mid sixties.  She had wire framed glasses and her hair was pulled back into a bun.  On either side of her face she had a spiral curl of hair that was loose.  You would feel comfortable calling her Nana.  We slipped into the chairs and told her that her "next victims were ready".  She giggled so hard I think it may have been the first time anyone had ever joked with her.  After all, apparently registering is serious business.

After filling out our paperwork we were taken through the 28 page spiral bound booklet that outlines the Babies "R" Us policies, program, offerings, etc.  Seriously, 28 pages.  The book that our OBGYN gave us to prepare for the pregnancy was only 24 pages.  Babies "R" Us is apparently 4 page more complex than growing and birthing a baby.  Maybe the "R" stands for "Really wordy explanations of really simple concepts".

Once the book reviewing session was complete, we were told all about the various additional services that the store has.  These services included a Registry Consultant that you can book appointments with.  She will walk around the store and explain every product to you and make recommendations to make sure that your registry doesn't have any holes.  I pretty much stopped listening at this point because I started thinking how cool this job would be to have.  I seriously think that my mom, or any of her friends with grandchildren, would certainly excel in a position like this.  What else really would qualify someone for a position of this caliber?  It is very hard work telling young expectant parents what to do and what to buy, and no one does it better than Grandmas.  And with a title like Registry Consultant, we might actually listen.

Finally, we were handed the scanner gun and sent loose on the store.

Until you actually walk the aisles of this store, you don't really realize how many goofy/uneccesary items there are.  Of course, there are the very valuable and needed things like cribs and sheets, but when you venture off course you find things like a $79 baby food maker.  At first glance, this looks like a must have.  The box says that it will make it a breeze to make your own baby food at home.  It is healthy!  It is all natural!  What a steal at $79!  That is until your baby coma induced brain realizes that it is simply a food processor.  A REALLY small food processor.  A REALLY overpriced food processor.  But, it is green and has a picture of a cute baby on it!  Do people really fall for this?

Maybe I will change my tune when this baby comes, and maybe I will fall in love with some of these products.  But for now, anyone will have a hard time convincing me that it is necessary to use a warm wipe on my baby's butt.  When I used to baby sit I warmed up the wipe by holding it in my hand for a few seconds.  Pretty high tech, eh?  And you know what, not once did one of those babies complain.  In fact, wouldn't a cool wipe be a little refreshing?  Its not like you are sticking an ice cube down the baby's diaper.

My finally diatribe on the makers of baby products is this, why so many single use items?  Alton Brown, the Food Network resident geek/guru has a strict kitchen policy that he avoids any single use tools.  This concept has totally alluded anyone making baby products.  I get that they are in it for a buck and if they can sell you twenty items instead of 7 they are raking it in.  But, think of our swollen closets and drawers filled with random baby things that we might never need.  You have a separate machine to warm bottles, then another one to sanitize them, because who doesn't want TWO different machines sitting on their counter.  I did do an internet search and found a couple of makers who do have products that are dual functioned, but I had to literally search for it.

All in all, registering wasn't nearly as difficult as I thought it would be.  We only started the list as some of our bigger items are still under serious consideration.  It feels good to have it out of the way, and at least it made for an interesting night.  Even if I left the store more confused than when I arrived.